Attack in Denmark!

Following on the heels of last week’s terror attack in Sweden (revealed to the world by would-be U.S. President Trump), tonight ISIS seized the spotlight by staging a dramatic attack in Denmark.

Two gunmen, believed to be jihadists, opened fire at an indoor rally of the anti-immigrant Danish People’s Party.  According to reports from Flux News, hundreds of people were likely wounded by the heavily armed individuals, though there had been no immediate reports of fatalities.  Danish authorities denied allegations of a delayed response to the crisis, while the Chief of the Danish Security and Intelligence Service specifically denied having said “there’s no urgency, it’s only the Dansk Folkleparti”. Meanwhile, the White House confirmed that U.S. intelligence sources had tentatively identified one of the two men as the shadowy and infamous cleric Sheikh Yerbouti, long suspected to be deceased.  The other individual is thought to have been his long-time assistant, Eisel Eifel Kahn.  The pair eluded Danish authorities and escaped into the Copenhagen night.  However, a notebook recovered at the scene revealed the two had been planning to infiltrate the United States using Nutopian passports.  According to preliminary research, there is no indication that any citizens of Nutopia have ever been vetted prior to admission into the U.S.

President Trump noted that this exposes the U.S. to a clear and present danger.  Accordingly, he vowed that Nutopia will now be added to his revised travel ban.